I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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