would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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