I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
