After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
