dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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