You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
