I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
