you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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