ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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