I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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