The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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