At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
