i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
