put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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