there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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