If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
