i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
