I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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