i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
