You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
