i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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