I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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