So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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