At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
