i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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