I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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