they need to just BURY HIM!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
