I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
