i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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