areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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