Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
