i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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