Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
