Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
