If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
