I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
