my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
