its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
