Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
