wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I really donβt want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
