At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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