god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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