that's an acceptable place to lick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
