I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
