the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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