Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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