I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
