sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
