i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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