Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize