and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
