You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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