i will never coherently bang her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
