i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
