I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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