i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
