We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
