i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
