Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
