well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
