I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
